My life was bleak, full of mistakes I had made…
I suffered with depression, anxiety and had no confidence in myself at all. And of course all the debt I was in! I was always short tempered, couldn’t be bothered with people. I wasn’t very nice!
CAP came and took all the worries of debt away. When Jayne used to come to the house she used to say a prayer – it touched me greatly, and I just found myself thinking about God and Jesus – were they real? How could I be sure? Then it just seemed that signs were being put in front of me.
One evening at a CAP event, the speaker said about God knocking at the door of your heart but that it is you that has to open your heart. After that I just kept thinking about it all. I then said to my partner would he think I was mad if I went to church (LOL). He said of course not. A few days later I received the Church newsletter through the door advertising a course at Church. As soon as I made the decision to do this it all felt so right.
“I knew Jesus was real because he had reached down to me, and he had forgiven me”
During the course I started to feel like I had a great weight hanging around my neck and my thoughts kept going over all the wrong things I had done in my life – almost like visions in my head. I suddenly realised that I needed – wanted – forgiveness, and so for the first time in my life I prayed and asked to be forgiven and said how sorry I was for every wrong thing I had ever done. After this I felt peaceful and calmer than I ever had done. The course taught me about Jesus and how he died on the cross so that I could be forgiven. I found all this very emotional. I knew Jesus was real because he had reached down to me, and he had forgiven me.
“Before if I had a problem I would crawl into bed and stay there ignoring everything and hoping it would just go away, now I pray and give my problem to God and He helps to keep me calm and be able to think things through”
At another session we looked at the prodigal son. This was a big light bulb moment when I realised that God would be happy to have me back. I felt myself become more tolerant – I wanted to be a better person! I made my commitment in June by being baptised. I truly felt like I was re-born – this was my chance at a new start. Before if I had a problem I would crawl into bed and stay there ignoring everything and hoping it would just go away, now I pray and give my problem to God and He helps to keep me calm and be able to think things through.
My life has changed greatly, I now have more confidence, more patience and more understanding of others. The best thing about my new life is my new family at Church -such loving, caring people.
Tracy was a client of the Ipswich CAP centre. See our main article for more information.